


You Could Be My Cure

by staticfiction



Series: The Things We Know We Shouldn't Do [2]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 19:49:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16373957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staticfiction/pseuds/staticfiction
Summary: The people we're in love with are in love with each other, wanna bang? And other things Sungjin knows he shouldn't do.





	You Could Be My Cure

> _ So take away all my sin, give me a sweet prayer on my lips _

 

Jung Haru, try as hard as she could, would not fall asleep. So when her sentient and now-becoming-unwanted outgrowth called Park Jimin sent her the details of tonight’s Daydream guerilla bash, she wasted no time juggling the pros and cons of getting out of bed after she’s already brushed her teeth, changed into her pyjamas, and tucked herself in.

Swinging her legs off her bed, and kicking several articles of clothing off it, she noted the distinct lack of her roommate at this hour. Vaguely, she remembered Sara’s messages and reminders and something else she said to her this morning, but Haru had been barely awake enough to pay attention. When it came to Sara’s messages, she liked to keep them unread—Haru can’t be held accountable for what she doesn’t know, right?

In any case, Sara only ever went out for the same two reasons, both of which involved the preppy bastards Park Jinyoung and Choi Youngjae, people Haru had no patience or desire to be in the same breathing space as. In any case, Sara was safe. Haru didn’t need to unnecessarily worry about her roommate. Unwanted protectiveness set aside, Haru picked up a pair of black distressed jeans from the floor and plucked a deep plum-coloured cropped top from her drawer. Her outfit change was a whirlwind of limbs and flying articles of clothing, Sara, ever the careful and thoroughly thought through perfectionist, would have gotten whiplash from the scene. After a quick swipe of eyeliner, mascara, and her favourite red lipstick, Haru was ready to turn the night around. She stomped her feet into her Doc Martens and grabbed her leather jacket. Then she was out the door.

About fifty people were in line to get into Catharsis when Haru arrived at the main entrance. Because she was feeling extra vindictive that day, instead of going through the back entrance where she had full access, she bypassed the line out front and flicked a mock salute to the bored bouncer and to the patrons waiting impatiently by the gates. She thought she heard someone curse her out, and her mood lifted a bit. Today wasn’t one of her better days. Her business economics professor rejected her proposal for her final paper, her design professor said her work needed more inspiration, and there’s that damn fondant she couldn’t get quite right the way her grandmother did it. Really, all her bad decisions were warranted.

Inside, the club was a claustrophobic mess of hive-minded bodies grinding to the bass, lights flickering in colors and flashing white strobes, and beats pulsing and pounding underneath her skin. It felt like home and Haru closed her eyes as she let the music overwhelm her senses. It was gasoline that stoked the fire in her very core; she lived and breathed this fire.

The Deadly Duo were tonight’s bar managers, a dastardly combination that had lead to the Great Jung Haru Blackout of 2017, but a blackout just might be what Haru needed tonight. She barely remembered anything from That Night other than taking concoction after concoction and feeling the buzz rise up to her head. Jaebum was more than willing to supply the missing details, but Haru had long learned not to ask questions she did not want to hear the answers to.

One of the twins acknowledged her with a flick of her brows. “You look like you need a drink.”

“I’m gonna need more than a drink.” Haru settled into a stool and watched the moshpit from over a slim shoulder. She’s been in Catharsis too many times she could sense the slightest changes in energy. Tonight was different from usual. It was too positive. Upbeat, almost. A shot glass slid across the smooth black countertop, and Haru caught it in a waiting palm, the contents spilling slightly over her thumb. “That’s Wonpil, isn’t it?”

“He’s kinda good. No wonder the boss likes him so much.” Then as if she realized what she just said, she amended, “Or anyway, as much as the boss is capable of liking anything. Sort of. Kind of. Ish.”

“More like she hates the new kid a tad bit less than everyone else,” concluded, the other twin. “But the moshpit never lies. I’ve seen people dance, but this is something else.”

Haru reserved judgment for later that night. Wonpil was always good for an opening, but with the likes of Jun K somewhere on the line up, she didn’t think Wonpil would be climbing up the ladder any time soon just yet. If only because Kim Minjun wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. “Who’s he opening for?”

“Why?” one of the twins asked, dropping a shot into a pint of draft. “What have you heard?”

“I dunno.” Haru took her first shot. Then she reached out for the tankard she wasn’t offered—it didn’t really matter. “Jimin said I should be here tonight. Why? Have you heard anything about tonight?”

“Didn’t think I’d be the one to say this,” the bartender said, nodding at her twin who was at the other end of the bar, “but you need a life. You’ve officially been here too much.”

Haru scoffed and downed the pint. “I’m good, thanks.” She plonked the empty glass back down on the bar and pushed it back toward the sink. 

A pair of arms tackled her from behind, and Haru immediately recognized Jimin’s fruity perfume. “Hey, hey!” Jimin enthused, “Look at what the cat dragged in.”

“You asked so nicely, all caps and exclamation points and all that.” It was hard saying no to Jimin. It was just not done. “So what is it that needs my attention, and I quote, like right now at this very instant?”

Jimin pressed her lips in a tight line before bursting into a one-breath rant. “So you know how we didn’t have plans tonight, right? Like we didn’t really talk about meeting up or whatever but everyone showed up anyway and we were all here. Everyone, even Ayeon is here. But when we were doing the roll call you were not here and we asked Brian and he was like “I don’t know where she is. Maybe at home?” And then Jae was like bet you can’t make her come and Brian was like ha-ha-ha and then of course challenge accepted by me so I said you should totally come over. And now Jae owes me a milkshake.”

“Cool. Have you seen Brian?”

“Shouldn’t you know?”

“How the hell should I know?” Although she did expect him to be here tonight, Haru thought she’d run into him somewhere. Usually he’d be at their usual spot by the bar if he wasn’t on stage with his band.

“You’re, like, attached,” Jimin answered. “Not in that way, but you know. Or maybe that way?”

Haru shrugged and gestured for another refill. She and Brian have been inseparable since he accidentally elbowed her in the face during freshman orientation and had to take her to see the nurse when her nose wouldn’t stop bleeding. “What do you need him for?”

“Just curious. I don’t usually see you without him.”

Haru scoffed. “You don’t see me enough. He’s probably with some chick at the back.” Of course, she was cool about it. It did not bother her. She and Brian, they weren’t anything. Though Haru may have wanted more, she was a fool to believe Brian—anyone at all—would ever look at her and think she has anything they need.

“Yeah.” One of the twins supplied, ignoring a patron trying to get her attention. “I haven’t seen that in a while either, I was starting to think something might be up. Like a girlfriend. My sources have been shady and elusive. I know something’s up.”

Haru nearly spit out her drink. “Yeah, girlfriend? I don’t think so. He’s probably just being all emo and angsty and whatever. He’s working on a bunch of songs and you know what that means.”

It meant taking up semi-permanent residence at the studio and never seeing the light of day until the work has been done. She’d gone to see him once or twice this past week only to be turned down. At least Sungjin was nice enough to offer her a beverage, even if he had already been drinking it himself. Also it was tea.

“I haven’t seen Sungjin around either,”Jimin added. “What’s that about?”

“Don’t ask me.” Haru preferred not to be associated, in any way shape or form, with the likes of Park Sungjin. At least not out loud. She held the shot glass against the light and stared into the kaleidoscope of colors swirling in its depths. She thought she saw a hint of pink and a string of profanities soon came after it. “Where is everyone?” she finally asked.

“I know right,” Jimin answered, looking around the dance pit and up the loft. “Like, everyone’s here but everyone’s not here.”

Haru wasn’t nearly drunk enough to understand what her almost favorite person just said but she nodded anyway. Next time she should probably hang out at the other side of town. Or a library. Above her, the music started again this time with Jun. K’s pre-mixed tracks on speaker. She let her eyes wander, and that’s when she saw it. Through the mass of limbs, she could make out her roommate Sara talking to Jae, and Jae pointing up the spiral staircase. Haru didn’t need to look up to know what that meant.

Without announcing her leave, Haru slipped away from the bar and headed into the pit.

The dance floor welcomed her like an old friend, extending its arms as the throb of the music engulfed her. This was where she needed to be anyway, none of that quiet, peace and tranquility, take the night off shit she was halfway into. What was she thinking, listening to Sara? Take a night off, Sara said. Some silence will do you good, Sara said. From now on, Haru was giving the advice, not taking it. Hands found their way around her waist and she leaned back, feeling the inebriation get the better of her. Whoever was bumping and grinding behind her was almost as good as the bass and the kicks overhead. Even if he smelled like cheap cologne.

Haru definitely needed another drink.

She shifted to the side to make an exit, but a familiar blur of color arrested her on the spot. Even now, she couldn’t blame the alcohol swirling in her bloodstream for the heat beneath her skin or the rush of electricity running up her inner thighs. Despite the faint waning glance she got, Haru knew for sure it was him. Park Sungjin may not have the same striking presence Brian did, but Sungjin carried himself in his own way, made himself memorable in a manner that creeps up on you as time goes on.

He was always around—first as Brian’s roommate, next as Brian’s bandmate, and so on until he’s made himself an irreplaceable presence in their extended group of friends. In that same line of thought, Haru tried and failed not to flashback on all the other nights she ended up shamelessly flirting with him as if they both didn’t know she was projecting all her unrequited feelings for Brian on him. Or that she knew that he knew that she knew the only reason he let her, the only reason he reciprocated was because of his own unrequited feelings for Sara.

Also, life would have been infinitely easier if Sungjin’s voice didn’t sound like sex.

She was just as easily taking back her words at the sight of him looking, well, looking like her most secret fantasy.

With the beats back on, her body moved on its own accord. She looked up, and from across the room, her eyes locked with his. Some girl had found him, had her skinny arms around his waist, gyrating about him. This time, she came to him first.

Normally, she would leave him alone and avoid any more awkward confrontations and interactions, but this was her on liquid courage, this was her on her worst day, pent up frustration, and Jimin’s bad influence all combined.

Weaving through the crowd, her breath caught at the thought of all the things she wanted to do to Sungjin. Of all the things she’d demand him to do to her. They’ve never gone more than steal angry kisses at the back of the club, all clumsy lips and shaking hands. Sometimes when he was extra angry he’d press her hard against the wall, wedge his thigh between her legs and let those calloused fingers explore just beneath the hem of her shirt. He’d drive her so close to the edge of climax then leave her high and dry.

Park Sungjin was infuriating in that she couldn’t hate him—not when he was hurting in the same way she was, denying himself just as much as he was denying her.

She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him away from a high-pitched, hairsprayed protest, and crashed her mouth into his. His hands automatically found their way inside her jacket and around her waist, and her fingers threaded through his delicate hair. She slanted her lips against his, pushing her lower half deeper into him as his hands wandered lower and pulled her closer. 

Sungjin dragged his mouth across her cheek, into her ear. “Are you drunk right now?”

“Well, no shit,” she answered, arching her neck so his lips would fall just below her ear.

“You only kiss me when you’re drunk.”

Her eyes shot up to the ceiling, a defensive cuss at the tip of her tongue. But Sungjin left a trail of open mouth kisses from under her ear and towards her jaw, and she felt it all the way between her legs, coiling painfully tight. As their eyes met, she felt a frisson of alarm at the intensity there. She sucked in a breath. “I like to think I’m saving you.”

His voices sounded hoarse. “From what?”

Warmth spread all over her, igniting her body with a heat she had never felt before. “From me, probably.”

He chuckled darkly into her ear. “And yet you’re the one who keeps doing me no good.”

An ache spread between her thighs when his eyes raked over her body, lingering on her mouth and the low dip in the top she wore. She wasn’t inexperienced by far, she might not have had a list of flings she’d need more than one hand’s fingers to count, but she knew what she was doing. He did, too.

“What are we waiting for?” Haru lifted her eyes to dare him into making the first move. She was brave, but not always. This was her, clinging on to the last of her courage hoping someone would just take her away. Even if the night was a lie.

A lazy smirk from Sungjin’s lips done her in. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m really not.” The buzz she had been riding had mellowed to a hum in her head. She needed another drink if what she thought was about to happen was actually going to happen. 

“I should sit you down somewhere, sober you up with some tea.”

It’s the laugh that has her in over her own head. It’s that laugh, crisp and bright like fucking sunlight. “Oh, shut up. The night is young. Tell you what,” she said, hearing a familiar song blast through the speakers. “This song’s chorus is exactly 32 bars.” Swallowing her nerves, she said, “Convince me. One last song. Then…tea. Sure. God, Sungjin you’re  so annoying.”

“Haru, say please.”

She feigned a scoff. She barely managed to keep her voice steady then, how was she going to keep this up? The electricity that sparked between them was now radiating a roaring fire in her gut.

“Sungjin, please?”

Sungjin pulled her closer. The deep tone of his voice raked across her faculties. “Remember this when this song is over: You asked for it.”

_ Shit, I am way in over my head _ . She almost called it off. They were still in the middle of their favourite club’s dance pit. In the distance, she could hear Jimin and Jae partying up a storm, somewhere to her left she could make out the faint visage of Jeongyeon and Jisoo, and  then there’s Jackson and Mark to her right. Brian was probably brooding somewhere in the second floor balcony. Shit. Shit.

Yet a deviant thought slipped into her mind, unbidden. Let them see, she thought. Let Brian see.

He dropped his head and licked his lips as the verse rose up to the pre-chorus of the song. She didn’t think whoever wrote this had this in mind when they wrote this particular track, regardless of the hypnotic beats and the enthralling leads. Time raced past, but Sungjin didn’t move right away as she counted off the last eight beats before the chorus.

His big hand wrapped around her waist, the other rested on her stomach. Lips skimmed over hers before his tongue dipped into her mouth. She’d had kissed him before, it alternated between them who started what, but she liked to think she knew Sungjin’s kisses. 

He was focused, always moving in with a clear goal in mind, he kissed the way he talked, easy and smug in the way that didn’t feel like it. But this was new. This was strange and she felt exposed as he teased her, explored her slowly with every brush of his lips and every lick of his tongue. He was forcing her to reveal herself to him, and she was more than ready to tell him her secrets.

Always with something to prove, he dragged her forward, pulling her legs over his thigh as his mouth took over with almost a brutality meant to destroy rather than build. Haru may have as well never been kissed before. Reckless was already a word she would describe herself as, but this was wild and sexy in ways she never knew before. Hands dug deeper into his hair and pulled him desperately closer, and Sungjin obliged to deepen the kiss.

The hand on her stomach lingered by the hem of her shirt and when hot fingers ghosted on her already heated flesh, she was robbed of thought. Sungjin’s rough fingers trailed down until it hit the button of her jeans, dragging his nails in a tortuous line. The pressure between her legs was insistent now, and her breaths came in ragged hiccups, stars were exploding in her eyes. His finger dipped into edge of her denim jeans, just until the first knuckle, and her hips buckled against him.

Sungjin hooked said finger on the lace trimming of her underwear then tugged on the fabric. The material pulled against her, the most sensitive parts of her stirring to life. Her mind went blank, devoid of everything but the sensations of pleasure coursing through her. And then it was all over. Sungjin’s hands were nowhere on her, his lips away from her painted into a smug smirk, the music blaring overhead.

“How’s tea sound?” He could pretend all he wanted, but Park Sungjin could not control his face, not his heavy breathing, not his flushed cheeks and ears burning red.

“Tea sounds…okay.”

Sungjin was only too pleased to oblige.

 

> _ put your hands on my chest, I'll make you feel like you've been blessed _

 

As the reality of their surroundings finally began to intrude, Sungjin somehow found the willpower to step away from Haru. He felt the loss like a physical blow and he struggled not to pull her back in. Not even the energy of the music or the moshpit could bring him away from this high.

Haru leaned in urgently, her face flushed pink as the tips of her hair. “You’re serious about the fucking tea, aren’t you?”

It wasn’t even a question that needed asking twice. Much as she came to him this way in all the times they found each other this in messed up world they reside in, he rather liked her when she didn’t think anyone else was looking. Which was strange in and of itself, because since when did he make a habit of looking at her?

It was what it was, no need to add fuel to a fire that burned well by itself. What they did in Catharsis was no secret. Though they liked to believe no one noticed them slip away in the middle of the night, Sungjin was no one’s fool. And Haru, somehow he had to protect her. Even if she didn’t think she needed him to. Especially because she wouldn’t appreciate it coming from him.

He dragged her right out of the club, her hand engulfed in his. He couldn’t think, couldn’t calm himself down to a headspace where anything makes sense. When Sara walked in, he saw the way her eyes wandered around the room looking for someone that wasn’t him. Her eyes had gone over his head in search of Brian. It was always Brian, ever the shining star in her life. Sungjin was nothing, fading into the background, just another face in her crowd of admirers.

“Sungjin, are we really going to get tea?”

He laughed, snatched away from his dark thoughts. “You know they saw us, right?”

She shrugged. “I kinda always thought the idea was that eventually they’d put it together that, well Haru can’t be in love with Brian and Sungjin is so totally not in love with Sara because they do the eherm-eherm when they think no one’s looking but everyone’s always looking.”

She’d said it so casually, Sungjin couldn’t swallow the thought. How long have they been playing this game? It hasn’t quite sunk in. “I guess.”

“Okay so if we’re getting tea, you should know I hate fruity teas and flowery teas, chamomile tastes like shit so…like…green is nice. I like green tea. Hoji is also—“

He didn’t mean to crowd her space, to invade her mid-sentence, stepping so close, close enough to kiss but just enough so he could ask her without saying the words if this was okay.

“Hojicha is nice,” she breathed. “I like it. A little sweetened. Just a bit.”

“Everywhere is closed,” he said, stepping even closer to line up against her.

“Oh. Right. Did…did you know there’s a spare room on the floor above Chansung’s gym? Don’t…don’t ask how I know I—”

“I don’t care,” he answered, reaching up with his free hand to smooth the lines where she scrunched up her nose. “That doesn’t…it’s okay. Show me where?”

As they walked, the image of Haru throwing her head back as he finally let himself go to bring her over to an orgasm clouded his thoughts and drained the better sense he had developed all these years. The indifference in his facade was the ideal he worked towards, the more unaffected he seemed, the less investment he showed, the more untouchable he became. But right now, he was losing his cool.

For the first time in history, Haru and Sungjin were alone. Voluntarily this time. Sober, that is. Normally, the many other nights that had turned awkward the following morning, they would both be intoxicated and in the middle of a moshpit. Then Haru would flee from Sungjin’s presence without even making an excuse. Unless it was an obscene gesture that was an excuse.

He had always thought it temporary insanity due to inebriation that had him acting on his conflicting feelings towards Jung Haru. For years she had antagonized him and talked back to him, they were on each other’s necks all the time, who would have thought they’d end up all over each other. No one would have believed them, and they knew this though they never said the words out loud. 

Sungjin had no doubts that she had wanted him to take it further than intended. Despite her failing bravado, he knew she wanted it as much as he did. Getting physical with her the first time was a mistake. Because now his craving was nearly unbearable in his yearning. True, they may have started with anger, eroticism for eroticism’s sake, but he wasn’t about to lie to himself and pretend the pleasure that came with it didn’t bother him at night.

They climbed up a familiar building, slow in their ascent to the third floor. He could hear her breathing, hear the pounding of his heart in his ears. Sungjin backed her into a darkened doorway as soon as they stepped over the landing. He let his hands wander, let his lips find their place the way his fingers know where they belong on a fingerboard to make music. He wanted her. So fucking bad. Kissing her wasn’t enough. He wanted to learn what else he could do to her body, to make her feel just what she did to him. At first, he was convinced he just needed her out of his system, a round of hate sex and it would all be over. But he didn’t even believe his own bullshit anymore. With her pressed to him like this, there was no way he was ever getting her out of his system. The only way he could think of was to let himself completely lose himself in her.

Haru’s head dropped to the wall behind her as he licked her neck to soothe the sting of his bites. Her fingers dug into his arms and her breaths came out ragged. “Room’s over there.”

He bit her ear hard and she gasped. Loud. “Good to know. We’re doing this, right?”

Biting her lip, she nodded in anticipation. “Yeah. We’re doing the sex things.” Haru caught his mouth in a kiss, moaning and demanding for more. “And just so we’re on the same page,” she said. “You better, I don’t know, make me come like at least three time in the minimum as compensation for just all the times you…let’s just it’s compensation for…for…”

He nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

“You better. And I will be counting, damn it. And I will keep score and—“

Then she pushed against him, took his hand again and pulled him into the room.

Next they knew, they were both frantic arms divesting each other of jackets in between heated kisses. Sungjin didn’t even care anymore if his face and everything about him was betraying his desperate need to remain in control. He kissed her eagerly, and a voice at the back of his mind asked if it were to hide the emotions on his face. Then they were tumbling on the bed, Haru’s lithe body coming down on top of him, straddling his waist. She immediately started rocking against him, sending him shocks of pleasure that resonated in his own center. He groaned out loud at the friction in his jeans.

Haru clawed at his shirt. “Off. Now.”

He raised himself enough so she could pull his shirt over his arms. “Why are you so impatient?” He could think of so many other things he could explore with her. Things they could explore together. There would be time, didn’t she know this?

“You never want me in the morning.”

A part of him understood that Haru was referring to the universal you, not specifically him, but it still hurt. He peppered kisses all over her neck and down her collarbones as his hands found her soft parts.

“You’re still going to want Sara,” she whispered. “Because Sara is beautiful and perfect and can do no wrong. Everyone’s in love with Sara. I might be a little in love with Sara. God, I hate that I can’t hate her.”

“Stop thinking about Sara.” Sungjin tangled his fingers in her hair, tugging at the ends and pulling her back into his kiss. At least she wasn’t thinking about Brian. Determined to make sure the thought wouldn’t even cross her mind, he lifted her shirt over her head. His fingertips traced the last layer of soft material that separated her skin from his, felt the shakes in her breathing, understood what else was clamouring to get out. 

Her voice was strained, somewhere between a whisper and a groan. Haru let him touch her, made room for his hands on her, allowed him to be eager with his slow caresses and tempered fire.

He reached between her legs and teased her with soft brushes of his fingertips against the juncture of her thighs. Using the heel of his hand, Sungjin massaged her core with slow circles. Seeing her in these jeans, the ones that hugged her so perfectly always frustrated him to no end. It was about time he had them off her. Reluctantly, he dragged his hands away from her and ignored her protests. Until she caught on and was already wiggling her hips and pushing her jeans downs. Sungjin was only so willing to relieve her of her restraints. He dragged the fabric down until it got caught on her ankles. Another string of curses followed after.

Instead of helping her out, Sungjin banded his arm around her waist and trapped her against him. His fingers found her waiting for him, slick and ready. She ground herself into his touch, and he stroked and teased. He worked his fingers slow, then quick, then slow again until Haru was making music in his ears. Her breaths came in shallow bursts as she arched into him and clenched around his fingers. 

Haru bit her lip but not enough to hold in her throaty gasps of pleasure. “Oh, god, Sungjin.”

His name spilling from her mouth was all the incentive he needed to flip her over. Haru didn’t protest, and the look in her eyes hooded with lust and anticipation was all the approval he hoped for. His fingers skimmed the inside of her thighs and his hand molded into the flesh between her legs.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” His admission came out before he could realize it. A part of him wanted to hide again, but he was already too far gone in his own lust to bother anymore.

“False, probably,” Haru breathed, “What do you think we’ve been doing? You’ve waited too long.”

That was the problem, wasn’t it? He’d waited to be noticed by someone else, and all he got in return was heartbreak. Waiting for Haru like this, he didn’t even know what he was waiting for. All he knew was he was waiting on her. Waiting for her to say his name like she needed him. Someone needed him. He could be her hero if she let him.

Sungjin twisted the fabric of her underwear in his hand and dragged them down her legs, pulled them off with her jeans. He wasn’t even sure what the sound that came out of his lips was. Or if it came from him or Haru. A nudge was all it took and she was spreading her legs for him. That was all the warning she’d get and then his mouth was on her. 

Haru took what she wanted, her fingers threading into his hair and leading him and showing him what she liked. Only right. Because he wanted this to be good for her. He wanted to make her feel good. He wanted to be someone who could make her feel good.

The first time he hit her sensitive nub Haru had whimpered so loud Sungjin wondered how he had kept himself from coming in his jeans. Haru gasped his name over and over as he buried his mouth in her. His lips closed around her and drew hard. When he looked up, she was watching him with clouded eyes and a heady smile on her face. Determined to prove himself, he devoured her with openmouthed kisses that had her hanging her head back and gasping. 

Sungjin was breathing heavily and sweat dotted his forehead, but he continued on, almost as if inspired. Better yet, he was on fire. He savored her in one long lick, then sucked hard hitting the right spot. He sank his tongue deeper inside her, and fingers latched onto his hair. She came undone, imploding in a soundless cry…

…followed by a fit of giggles.

It was an uncontrollable laugh, a surge of all the happy hormones he knew would be in her system. Still, it took him by surprise. He’d never heard her laugh like this. He did that, he thought. He made her laugh like this. He turned his head, nose nuzzling her thigh and then pressing a soft kiss there.

How could Brian not love her?

Sungjin raised himself on his arms then flipped them over. Haru set herself on top of him, curving into him, finding spaces he didn’t know anyone would fit in. He bit his lip to keep himself from begging. What was it about this girl that had him out of his wits? With clumsy hands, Haru unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans.

“Wait,” he said.

Her fingers stilled and she looked up. “Really?”

“Just wanted to…” He touched her face, let a calloused finger trace the softness of her cheek. “I mean…”

A smirk broke the confusion on her face. “You’re welcome.”

Sungjin couldn’t remember a time when he had gotten his jeans off this fast. He heard the crinkle of a foil wrapper and Haru having enough sense and presence of mind to do the responsible thing. He didn’t have time to ponder on the moment when she nudged his arousal between her legs and rammed herself home.

And then he pushed harder and further because he couldn’t get close enough. Couldn’t get inside her enough. He just couldn’t get enough. He had given up control to her, and she writhed around him, whimpered his name, and clawed at his skin. Everything she did drove him to the edge of his sanity. What was it about this girl? What was it about her that had never felt this good before? He had thought that at this point in his life, he had it all under control, had it all towards the good life. All he needed was to get this, whatever this was with Haru, dealt with. He didn’t think that it would be him who going to come out schooled and put back in his place.

Hands moved on their own accord. He needed to touch her, all of her, everywhere. He sat up and snaked his arms around her waist to leverage him slipping in and out of her. She wiggled her hips and he gave an upward thrust. His mouth found her breasts and she moaned into his ear. He heard nothing more but the sounds their bodies made, certain that he wouldn’t get her voice out of his head for the next lifetime.

“Oh, this is perfect,” he heard her cry. “So good.” She moved his mouth away from her skin to kiss him.

“If you stop I’m gonna put you on your back,” he answered into her lips. “Don’t stop.”

“Oh, I like that.”

Haru threw her head back in pleasure as she rode him hard and fast. Her hips bucked in a desperate rhythm and he held on to her, sensing an unknown fear creep up to him. As her climax sizzled through her body, Sungjin flipped her onto her back and and began pounding into her.

His eyes found her, limpid inside the lust. Both of them aware of the moment, of the night, of each other. He watched her come apart, and he did too. He came, hard. His legs felt weak, and his arms could barely hold him up. It was embarrassing to admit, especially to Haru, but he slumped forward and she drew him into her arms.

He was afraid she’d push him away. Again. She did that, push people away. Always so afraid of softness, of being small. Sungjin understood this. He was afraid, too.

“So,” she started, “Yeah, that…”

His answer came in a lazy chuckle. “What now?”

“That...you…”

“I know, I’m amazing. You’re welcome.”

“Shut up. I was gonna say, this is you and me getting this out of our systems, right?”

Sungjin pushed himself off her and landed on the mattress next to her. He stared at the ceiling still trying to catch his breath. What was Jung Haru going on about now? “What are you talking about?”

“You and me. This.”

He turned to her, Haru with her face flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat. She sucked in deep breaths, gulped them down like she couldn’t get enough air. “This?”

“Yeah.” He hated the words as they come out his lips. If she wanted to hear them, he would say them. “One-time thing.”

He averted his gaze from her when it dawned on him. Light and sound spilled in white slits and a faint barrage of morning sounds from the window. It was morning, and Haru didn’t need him anymore. Maybe he should have seen this coming.

“Sure.”

This was all she wanted him to be. This was all she was meant to be to him, as well. “Whatever you say.”

“Right, cause you know…”

He glanced at her again, hair in tangles, her makeup smudged on her face, eyes still not back from wherever it was she went of to when he made her come so hard. “Don’t make it a big deal.”

They were used to this. To one time things with each other. To nights that existed only in the darker places of their souls, not even good enough as a memory. His first instinct was to condescend to her, to go back to the usual roles they took when the sun was high up. They barely tolerated each other. But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. It was too soon to return to normal.

“Anyway.”

Tonight wasn’t meant to lead to anything else, anything more. Of course. What was he expecting? What was he thinking? He got off the bed first, gathered his clothes and got dressed.

“You’re thinking,” she said, softly. “I know what you’re thinking. I don’t need you to think for me. I don’t need you to worry about anything. I can take care of myself. I don’t need…protection or whatever.”

“I know you don’t.” Or maybe he was protecting himself. After tonight, he was certain the questions would come one after the other. Everyone had seen them and whatever secret conversations their friends held without them were no longer going to so secret now. Brian and Sara would know soon enough, and where would that lead? What bigger mess would Sungjin be forced to clean?

“Don’t feel responsible for me or whatever. We’ve known each other this long, you should know by now—“

“The easiest way to lose you is to start taking care of you?”

“Well. Fuck you.”

“Haru.”

She didn’t answer and wordlessly put her clothes back on. A part of Sungjin deflated at the loss of the sight of her so beautiful and so open to him. A flash of hurt crossed his features, but he found his way back to calm before Haru saw him.

“I’ll walk you back to your dorm.” It was the least he could do. “And don’t give me the whole I can walk myself. It’s, I don’t even know what time it is. Brian will kill me if he finds out I made you walk alone. Also it’s on the way. It’s…not a big deal.”

The walk to her dorm was silent, awkward. Haru had stayed a full arm’s length from him as if she was embarrassed of the things they did. That she regretted the parts of her soul she had showed him tonight. Sungjin kept his attention away from her, his thoughts had already gone back to replaying the night over and over. He didn’t need any more of that. He’d humiliated himself enough.

“So.” Haru pointed at the main entrance to her residence building. “We’re good, right?”

What did one call the feeling of being sure they didn’t want someone, but at the same time didn’t like the idea of that someone with somebody else? “Whatever,” he said, unkindly. “See you around.”

She turned her back and he made his way back home. The night’s surprises didn’t end there. It was just about sunrise when he made it back to the apartment he shared with Brian. He expected to find Brian snoring on his side, dead to the world and the living. Sungjin had it planned: take a shower, get into fresh clothes, and lock himself up in the studio. A partly naked from the waist up Jang Sara was not on his list of expectations.

She saw him as he walked into their dorm, and flustered, she hurriedly pulled one of Brian’s hoodies over her head. “Uhm. Good morning?”

“Hey,” he cautiously replied. Working with her at the Greenhouse, he’s seen her bleed, seen her cry from frustration, and seen her angry (even if ultimately she did nothing about it), but nothing could have prepared him for seeing her all sexed up. It was unnerving. Almost wrong.

“So I’m just gonna go.”

He looked behind her for any trace of his roommate.

“He’s asleep.” Right on cue, a snoring Brian filled the gaps in their awkward silence. “Anyway, I should go. Greenhouse later. You don’t have to come in today.”

Sungjin walked further into his dorm. He forgot about Sara’s birthday. “How can you work today?” He gestured at his sleeping roommate. When Brian was asleep, not even the zombie apocalypse would wake him. “Unless you slept all night. What a disappointment you are Brian Kang.”

“It’s not that.” Sara waved her hand, and there Sungjin saw what suspiciously looked like one of Sara’s tops. With the thin straps ripped from their seams. She picked her white blazer up from the floor. “I just can’t not show up.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” But her voice and her expression didn’t match her words. “Get him out of my system, that’s the plan, right? I think I’m getting there. I think we agreed that was what last night was.”

“Sara,” he said as she walked past him. She turned to face him and the words fell away. Instead, he said, “I’ll see you later. I don’t trust those guys to build those plant boxes like you want them to.”

“Thank you. I’m relieved, actually, to hear you say that.” She began to smile. “I’ll see you later.”

“You owe me coffee.”

“Thanks, Sungjin.”

Then she was out their door.

And he was still here, stuck somewhere there was no name for.

 

 

> _won't you stay, I hate to fight. but it makes me want you more_


End file.
